Wednesday, June 30, 2010

School for the Dead Tour Rider

There's been some talk lately about tour riders.  Steve Martin just "released" a joke version of his and the Smoking Gun website has riders for a huge selection of artists.  I figured that now was a good time to let y'all see what our rider looks like for a typical show.  Here it is below. 


School for the Dead Tour Rider

Food: One meal from the cheap-meals menu must be supplied to each band member at that band member’s expense. Meal must be delivered one minute before band is scheduled to perform, so that it sits cooling and drying for several hours until after the show, at which time the band will throw it away.

Dressing Room: A moldy basement, ill-lighted supply closet, or sticky area next to the stage must be provided for the band. All walls must be painted black. This area should be unusable due to all of the items stored there. Suggestions: stacked chairs, old beer kegs, broken neon signs.

Beverages: Venue must provide two beverages at a partially-discounted price to each band member. Beverages must be of the lowest quality possible. Bartender must not recognize drink tickets when presented.

Stage: Band requires a tiny section of floor barely visible from anywhere else in the room. Preferably there should be a floor-to-ceiling pole directly in front of this area. If possible, please make sure that there are dripping pipes above the stage and that the entire area is poorly lit.

Sound System / Engineer: When band enters venue, nobody who has any knowledge of the evening’s performance must be in attendance. Load in should be through a tiny kitchen door and up a steep set of stairs.

The stage area must have only one set of outlets. One of these outlets must be broken. There are, under no circumstances, to be extension cords in the venue.

Only one vocal microphone must be supplied for the four singers. This microphone must be taped to a broken and wobbly microphone stand. No clips can be present.

There is to be no soundperson, especially if one was promised. Please make sure the bartender leaves a few messages on the absent soundperson’s voice mail.

Bartender must have no knowledge of the sound system or where any of the switches are.

Promotion: Venue must not display any of the flyers sent by the band. The website must list a different band or a poker-night for the date of this show. In a perfect world, the bartender and any other staff should have no knowledge of this show ever being booked and preferably they should be a bit annoyed that the band is there in the first place.

Televisions: The music venue must have three or more large screen televisions mounted on walls. Various sports channels must be showing. The volume should be set at a level that competes with the band’s music. Preferably one of these TVs should be above and behind the band.

Merchandising: The venue must provide the band with a small chair or shaky table on which to display their merchandise. This unit must be placed in an unreachable and dark corner of the room. When asked for this, the staff must act as though they have never heard of such a thing.

Parking: There is to be no parking provided for the band.

Schedule: Under no circumstances should the pre-planned and agreed upon schedule of performances be acknowledged. Any bands performing before School for the Dead should take over half an hour to set up and break down. Their set should also be twice as long as promised. The friends of this band should all leave immediately when SFTD begins performing. If they do not leave, they must stand right up in the front with their backs to the band while yelling loudly to each other about how awesome their baseball caps are.
If possible, SFTD should be performing in a slot three or more hours later than was previously agreed upon. By the time they are finished, please make sure that the venue is empty and chairs are being stacked up on tables.

Post-show: After the performance, venue staff should not look the band in the eyes.

Police: Please arrange for the band to be pulled over and ticketed on their way out of your city.

The Case of the Lost Sweater

From my vantage point in my building, my desk looks out over a busy intersection.  Just a moment ago, I saw a mother and daughter crossing the street amongst the throngs of morning shoppers.  The little girl dropped her sweater and it landed in the crosswalk.  She did not notice, but there were a few people walking straight towards them, who surely saw it happen.  I watched as they passed by without saying a thing and stepped over the sweater.  Surely someone in the stopped cars at the crosswalk saw this happen but none of them alerted the pair to their lost item.  I watched as the mother and daughter walked further and further away from the sweater on the ground.  Another man, walked down the sidewalk and was looking directly at the little sweater, but he just kept on walking.  A third man in the crosswalk, approached the girl's sweater and kicked it out of the road.

At this point I grabbed my keys and ran outside to the top of my stairs where I shouted down, "Excuse me!  You dropped your sweater.  I think it is on the other side of the road!"  I could no longer see the sweater as it was obscured by a truck.  The pair thanked me and turned to go back.

I missed the outcome.  My view was blocked.

I'm a bit perplexed.  Is it possible that none of all those people saw the girl drop her sweater?  And even if they didn't see it, wouldn't they still ask around when they came across a girl's sweater lying in a crosswalk, I mean, obviously it couldn't have been there long.  It would have been swept aside by the cars.

What just happened out there?  Doesn't anyone care about a little girl's lost sweater?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Rub Wrongways Records and Bandcamp.com

The folks at Rub Wrongways Records have been messing around with integration with the site bandcamp.com. Currently all releases from School for the Dead, The Fawns, Bourgeois Heroes, and Sitting Next To Brian are available for listening and downloading from bandcamp. You'll also find all the lyrics to the most recent School for the Dead album, "A Telephone Built For Two" there.

You can just click around on this to see what I am talking about.

<a href="http://schoolforthedead.bandcamp.com/album/a-telephone-built-for-two">Periscope by School for the Dead</a>

Bandcamp seems like a pretty good site. It's very easy to use and 100% of the proceeds from download sales go directly to the musicians. We'll use the money to fund our next album. We started learning a few new songs just the other night and they sounded great.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Taste of Amherst happens every year in the town common of Amherst, Massachusetts. It's a food festival in which one can walk from booth to booth and purchase small samples of foods from local restaurants. There are also some games for kids and the usual outdoor small-town festival kinds of things.
Yesterday, School for the Dead played a concert at the Taste. We played at 3:00 on a Sunday afternoon. We were the last act to take the stage in the four-day-long event.
It was about a million degrees outside and there were a few dark clouds hanging out threatening us all day. Our last two outdoor shows that we had scheduled were canceled due to weather so we were starting to feel a little cursed. But the rain kept up, meaning it never came down, and the place remained dry and sunny/cloudy. We lucked out.
We were hired for this show by WRSI (the River) and they were quite hospitable. We played an hour long set and it was just really great fun. Tony played with us. It seems like it had been a while.
Here's a picture that Max took while we were setting up.
School for the Dead at The Taste of Amherst June 20 2010

Friday, June 18, 2010

School for the Dead at The Taste of Amherst

School for the Dead is playing a free, all-ages concert at The Taste of Amherst in Amherst, MA. It is at 3:00 this Sunday (June 20). They are closing the four-day event as the last band on the stage. You should come and eat a whole bunch of snacks from different Amherst restaurants while watching us out under the beautiful blue skies.

More details here: Taste of Amherst

Listen Now

Hey, look you can listen to this Thane Thomsen Tribute Album right here:

<a href="http://thesongsofthanethomsen.bandcamp.com/album/tribute-to-the-songs-of-thane-thomsen-conceived-of-as-just-a-birthday-present-but-too-good-to-keep-so-small-scale">Up by The Songs of Thane Thomsen</a>

A tribute album like no other.....

The songs of Thane Thomsen, by some friends and not-so-secret admirers.
CD 1
1) Up-- The Florence Nightly Ensemble (Ken Maiuri)
2) Step Away--Terry Flood
3) The Empty Mirror-- Matthew Zapruder
4) The Light of Your Ways (step 2)-- Basketball (Miranda Brown w/ Tim Regan)
5) This Fleeting Life--Matthew Cullen
6) Feel the Fields--Henning Ohlenbusch
7) What Grace Allows--Scott Hall and the Burn Pile
8) Down--Tim J. Dunn
9) Some Given Day--Trace Meek
10) The Evidence (step 1) --Dennis Crommett
11-12) Settling/Hugo's--Lo Fine

CD 2
1) Alphabetical Thane--Mark Mulcahy
2) Every Other Letter is a Woman's Name--Scott Alden
3) The Pile and the Hole--Lesa Bezo
4) Don't Get Me Wrong (step 9)--Bruce Tull
5) Shag--Jose Ignacio Ayerve
6) Provide Provide--Frank Padellaro
7) Was--Brian Akey
8) A Pint of Salvation (step 4)--Dave Houghton
9) Under the Flash--Matthew Hebert
10) Zero--Mike + Ruthy
11) Grow to Expect--Mike Flood
12) This Dog We Live--Brian Marchese
(stay tuned for an amazing offer to download this incredible collection of music for absolutely free!)

Recently, my friend and longtime band(s) mate Thane Thomsen had a birthday. He turned the same number as RPMs on some records--(hint: not 33-1/3 and not 78.)

The first day I met Thane was also the first day I played music with him, at the first Figments practice on School St, Northampton, MA. That was in the final weeks of 1995. I was nearing the end of my time as an undergrad at U Mass. All the other guys in the band seemed way older (really, by just about 5-7 years, but it seemed old to ageist-me), and the songs were way slower and softer than anything I was used to playing. I had a thing about not wasting one's youth on being mellow. My previous two bands, Sourpuss and Sweetspot always left me with broken drumsticks, throbbing eardrums and bleeding calluses. When I first received the tape of Thane's 4-track demos to listen to and learn from, I was immediately struck by the sound of his voice, the lyrical flow and imagery. It felt like the future, or my future at least. Very few times in my life have I had that sure feeling. So nice to feel that instead of encountering the usual roadblocks or detours. Instead, it seemed a pathway to a next phase.
The demo tape was amazing and intriguing, and I listened to it a lot. It was too dark to be hippie-ish, though there was a stoner quality. It was too serious to be Pavement-y, though that kind of indie spirit was there too. There was also the cold, dark Western Massachusetts smokey/boozy late night quality of the Scud Mt Boys, but with less precision and prettiness. It was literate but not obnoxiously so.

At the first practice or two, I had to be reminded to chill a bit on the tempo and volume, but eventually found how to shift down to first or second gear. I'd never been surrounded by a more complimentary, yet totally fun and cool and smart bunch of guys in a musical situation. My few suggestions and ideas were welcomed and often used. That Russ Kunkel was referred to in the first practice was an awesome thing in my book. That Russ Brooks came by to say hello and have a beer was even more awesome. As practices continues, I found my drumming style changing--to the point where, when we did start to get loud, I had almost forgotten how to rock out. Yikes. But what emerged was a whole new "from the wrist" style of drumming, which enabled me to play as fast and hard as I used to, but while leaving my hands soft and smooth, and my drumsticks intact, and gave birth to the signature Figments louuuudd....ssssuck...soft turn-on-a-dime-dynamic. Something mysterious also gave birth to the practiced wavering tempos. An effortless group mind that wouldn't make sense if tried to explain. And soon, we were employing feedback-soaked freakouts as loud and chaotic as anyone.

So here we are, 2010, and the Figments, four + 1/2 albums later, still play when we can. In the meantime, Thane and I have been among the busiest musicians in the area. We've played together in Lo Fine, Haunt and my band, Sitting Next to Brian. He's asked me to be the drummer on his amazing Rehab, Mass (aka The 12 Steps) album, as well as his new vehicle, Goldwater (new EP coming out hopefully this fall!). And we each have had several separate projects too.

Thane's a modest guy, quick to deflect credit and kudos and turn away from the spotlight. Thus, I've only known it was his birthday maybe four of the fifteen birthdays I've known him through. A couple years ago, he was helping me move into a new apartment when he mentioned it was his birthday. Goddamn, what an asshole I felt like. "Actually, Brian, this is the PERFECT way to be spending my birthday". Yeah, I thought, what fun, lifting heavy furniture up a narrow staircase on a muggy day. Let the good times roll...and watch the leg of that couch in the doorway--fuck, was that your finger?

It was a confluence of things that gave me the idea for this tribute album:
--driving home from work, iPod on shuffle, a tune from the latest Figments album, Twelve Belles, came on. Wow. What a band!. I was hit by the realization that, more than any other band, I believe I'll look back on the Figments as the defining band in all the stuff I've done. Don't get me wrong, everything I play on I do so because I love it, and love the songwriting and have a blast playing and hanging out with the musicians. But The Figments, and Thane's songs, taught me, involuntarily, to approach music in a totally different way. Credit is also due to Trace Meek's John MacVie-esque bass, which made me look at the bass guitar/bass drum relationship in new and simplified ways; and Matthew Zapruder's tenacious yet self-deprecating approach to guitar playing (it's only rock>playing rock rules>still, it's only rock>but still it rules, so let's treat it with respect but still stay aware of the innate silliness).

--Not long after, I was at work, and another Figments song, this time the old classic "This Dog We Live" came up on the shuffle. Wow! What a perfect 3 verse, 3 minute, in-and-out song that is! I made a mental note: "when I get home I'm gonna figure that one out". Then (as it often does) my brain went on a hyper speed tangent and before I knew it, I was writing a note down--"Contact a dozen songwriting friends and ask them to record a Thane song and send it to me. I'll compile them and make a CD for his birthday".

The following six weeks, (two of which were the final two weeks of my harrowing first semester of grad school--so this was a perfect distraction from homework and finals...sigh...) were a labor of love. 90% of the people I asked were into it. Many suggested other people. I thought of a few others as well. The list at one point was up to 27 artists. A few dropped out, or realized time wasn't on their side. I ended up with 23 artists. 24 Thane songs. Most were home recorded in various ways, in various qualities. Five years ago this couldn't have been possible. But now someone (like me) who doesn't own a single piece of recording equipment, can sing and play into the built-in lap top mic, throw an effect (or five) on, muck around with all the toys and effects and loops and gadgets, and end up with something listenable (if not radio-ready. But what is radio anyway?).

Dan Richardson said he'd master it, which was the best news imaginable, since the quality of stuff I was getting varied wildly. From pristine, perfectly mic'd acoustic instruments on multi track analog tape (say, Bruce Tull), to Elephant 6-esque, over-driven spazz outs recorded on an outdated version of Garageband (say, Scott Alden), to everything imaginable in between.

The receiving of submissions every day was a total joy. Each one blew my mind in a different way, and I'd email "the list" with excitement anew--probably a little too often-- and too overloaded with giddy jokes and wise ass remarks. Making and revising the track order was a lot of fun. Imagining just how mind-blown Thane would be was even more fun. Realizing that I'd been a friend of and drummer for this guy who has written so many beloved songs was an unexpected ego boost/ life-affirmation, especially after the sobering, deflating experience of grad school.

Tribute albums can be boring--especially when you really like the artist being paid tribute. XTC's "Testemonial Dinner?"--beh. The Grateful Dead one sucks, save Elvis Costello and Suzanne Vega and Jane's Addiction. I think the Leonard Cohen one's pretty good.
Umm...I've probably blocked out the others I've heard.
This one, I like the songwriter AND the artists doing them. (and I've played, or probably will end up playing drums for most of them) So there was double appeal.
Also--Thane Who? While he SHOULD be mentioned and referenced in music books and magazines world wide, The Figments etc have not exactly done much to promote themselves. Never toured. gave away more CDs than we sold (though the free 12 Belles album was downloaded 1000+ times!). We did have a 3 or 4 year stretch of good luck in NYC, but stuff got in the way. People got serious about their various lots in life. And I couldn't manage to stay faithful to only one, or two, or three bands.

Then there was Northampton's 9/11--i.e. the Baystate closing, which took a lot of wind out of the scene, and sent a lot of music fans home to grow up, mellow out and seldom, if ever, return to the scene.

Since 2002, The Figments have played about as many gigs as we did in any two-month period between 1995-2001. But when we do get together it's nothing but fun and love of the music. And we look and sound almost exactly the same, just with new songs always entering the rotation So there's my plug for the Flywheel show coming up next week (6/26/10)...(you knew that was coming)

And here are the details of the tribute album. Maybe there will be an official release, but for now, enjoy it in high quality (WAV) downloads for $0.00. I.E. FREE.

You can hear it and downloaded it for FREE at:

The Songs of Thane Thomsen, as interpreted by some of his friends and not-so-secret admirers.
Recorded in at least nine of the United States. And possibly beyond...
Conceived by Brian Marchese in the van.
Mastered by Dan Richardson Up in the Basement.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sweet Live in Vegas

When we were in Vegas we stumbled across a free outdoor show by the band Sweet. For some reason, I found that to be really funny.

Spouse Confidence Review.

There's a nice well thought out review of "Confidence", the wonderful new album by Spouse right here. I pretty much agree with most of the review accept for the part about the artwork, which I think is really awesome.

You can see Spouse this Friday at The Rendezvous in Turners Falls with Spanish for Hitchhiking and Watcher.

I'll also be playing a few shows with them as bassist in early July.

"Confidence" is my favorite Spouse album, and that is saying a lot.  I highly recommend that you pick up a copy right away.  Every song is perfect.  Perfect.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Las Vegas 2010 - I'm Back

The Rockumentary has been a bit slow lately. I just got back from a little vacation. Lesa and I went to Las Vegas.

Despite the 109 degree temperatures, It was a great time all around. There was the day trip out to the deserty Red Rock Canyon and the ride up the piney Mount Charleston. There was the huge waterfall laden swimming pool, the crazy shows, the great food, the spectacular people watching, and of course there was the video poker (which luckily paid for the trip and then some). Royal Flushes are rare but we didn't care.

Here's a thought that I had on our return airplane as I sat in my seat watching the rest of the passengers file on. The seats are set up in two rows of three. Lesa and I got on early and had chosen a row and we were waiting to see who we would end up sharing our with. It was exactly like a slot machine. We two had already landed, two 7's, and the third column was spinning as the people walked by. Uh! Is it that older woman with the giant carry-on? Nope. Uh! Is it the business man with the neck pillow already on his shoulders? Nope. Uh! Will it be the college girl with nothing but flip-flops and an iPod? Nope. Round and round it spins and with each passing person we get more nervous. Will we get a 7? Will we hit the jackpot?

This time, I had the window seat so Lesa was really the one sweating out the game. Who would she end up with? The machine kept spinning; hippie, businessman, loud lady on phone, guy with pizza box...and then wammo! What's the opposite of jackpot? Oh I know, it's the extremely overweight guy with short sleeves and hairy arms. Hairy arms that would spend the next hours well over the border between Lesa and his seats.

Imagine if you will sitting in your tiny airplane seat. You got your light set up, you have your air blower on just the right setting, your book, your gum, and your water are all in position and then smoosh! a stomach oozes over the arm rest and presses against your side, then, worse, a very hairy sleeveless arm falls beside the overhanging fat and sits there a third of the way into your seat, and the tiny prickly points of the hairs brush up against your own arm which is now uncomfortable pulled in front of you with your shoulder bent forward. Add onto that some noisy labored breathing. Now sit there stewing in that for several hours. Good times.

I'm sure the man was very nice. Would have been even nicer if he had reimbursed Lesa for a third of her ticket.

But besides that wrinkle, everything went well. It wasn't easy coming back to the grind, but at least School for the Dead had a show lined up for Saturday. The rain canceled that, but it was nice to meet with the band and practice some songs. We'll be more than ready for our show at The Taste of Amherst this Sunday.

Here are some pictures from our trip, if your interested.


www.flickr.com

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Speech

This year the graduating class chose me to be their faculty baccalaureate speaker. Below is a transcript of it. Despite some of the in-jokes between me and the kids, some of you may recognize a few of the stories incorporated into the speech, as they are all true and I'm sure I've shared them with some of you. Enjoy and thanks for reading:


When I used to live in Northampton, MA, I’d often take my three year-old daughter Hannah for walks downtown, to the library, to the pizzeria, to visit her little buddies for play dates. Anyway, one lovely summer day we had to cross the busy Main Street several times and I decided I’d teach Hannah about the traffic lights and crosswalks. I pointed out to her the signs at the edge of each major intersection that flashed a white silhouette of an adult and child walking while holding hands signaling that it is okay to cross and how that alternated with the image of an orange hand indicating that pedestrians have to wait. Hannah listened intently to my teaching and when I asked her if she had any questions, she shook her head no. So at the next crosswalk, I decided to quiz her. This was at the busiest intersection in town, in fact, where we were surrounded by a group of about twenty random strangers. Currently the orange hand was flashing so I asked her, loudly enough so that she could hear me over the traffic passing by, “When is it safe, Hannah?” And she replied boldly and assuredly, “Only when we see white people!” Fortunately, the light didn’t change for another few seconds so I was able to quickly explain to the strangers around us what that statement was actually supposed to mean.

Anyway, there is a point to this story, I promise. Dear EHS graduating class of 2010, you are among the first generation born into a world where computers, the internet and digital technology are given components of life: in education, entertainment, employment, economics, and lots of other words beginning with e. The reality is that many of us who are older just don’t have the same knowledge, skills, or experience in computers that many of you have. We see technology shaping the world in ways that we can’t always keep up with, fully comprehend, and perhaps even fear and loathe. And I know I’ve made my share of comments about Facebook and “glowing rectangle zombies” over the years but I actually envy you and admire your facility in this digital age. Part of my obsession with Facebook stems simply from my curiosity- if every one of you on this stage maintains a Facebook page- and I know you do- yes, I’ve seen Evan’s profile pic where he’s flashing his six-pack abs- then it’s my job to understand what that might mean. Facebook is a common denominator among a group of 40 individuals on this stage that contains opera singers, computer whizzes, a woman who can throw a softball over 60 miles an hour, anime otaku, university English professors, the nicest kindergarten teacher a kid could ever have, physicists, a pirate, I mean, pilot, but there’s probably a pirate up there too (Rachel?), a professional clown, and even a guy who plays drums and can actually make the idea of blue-colored pasta taste good, well, if I dismiss this common phenomenon as inconsequential, then I’m not reciprocating in kind. What I mean is: you have chosen me to speak at this baccalaureate ceremony, which I truly consider an honor, especially considering that of the 40 of you graduating this year, 26 of you have spent some time in my classroom as students. For these past five years, it’s been both my duty and my pleasure to learn about you and your world and strive to understand it, for the benefit of both of us.

Now, I don’t have to enumerate the benefits of digital technology and how your lives will likely intimately be connected with it. However, if there’s one last message I’d like to send you off with, it’s that in this world of technology, don’t forget to be yourselves, to be individuals, and that only you think like you.
Specifically, don’t forget to use those unconventional but fantastic brains of yours to keep learning differently, to keep being creative, outside-the-box, or as Ned Hallowell would put it, “magnificently-minded” thinkers. Computers and the internet are excellent sources for research, input and stimulation and they are also exceptional tools for output- no human can compute as fast or as accurately, no human has anywhere near the memory capacity- but what computers can’t do are the jobs in the middle. You know, the ones that I’ve found people who learn differently seem to excel at. Computers can’t be creative or innovative, they don’t have epiphanies, and they have no sense of ingenuity. To ensure success in this digital age, by whatever measure you want to define success, you have to remain adept at creativity and ingenuity. This is how you will continue to stand out from the crowd- in a good way-, it’s how you’ll get ahead, it’s how you’ll continue to succeed and enjoy the richness of life as a result.

Would you like an example of how relying purely on only input and output thinking, like computers do, can be dangerous? Ah, but computers aren’t the only brains that are not fully adept at those middle steps- this is also true of children. See? There was a point to that story about my daughter. Hannah simply took in the inputted information and spat it back out as output without having the capacity to connect other critical information in between.

However, even young children are still better at certain types of thinking than computers, especially when it comes to creativity and ingenuity. Allow me to illustrate with a story about my Uncle Ken when he was only seven years old, which would have been during the ‘50s. At that time, his father, my grandfather, owned a service station and was the head auto mechanic. One day a local eye doctor named Dr. Rabinowitz came to the garage looking for an estimate on a repair for his car, the model of which I couldn’t tell you, other than that it was a fairly expensive car for its day. He had been to several other repair shops around town and received quotes on what it would cost: $300, a lot of money in the ‘50s. When my grandfather quoted $200, the doctor became suspicious, worried that my grandfather would take the job then some fishy added charges would come up or he’d use low quality replacement parts. So he asks why. With brutal honesty, my grandfather tells him that the other places are trying to get more than the job is worth because they know he can afford it, based on the fact that he’s an eye doctor driving a nice car and, knowing these other mechanics, they’re probably also trying to gouge him because Rabinowitz is a Jewish name.

At about that time, my Uncle Ken gets dropped off the school bus to spend the afternoon hanging around the garage and he winds up observing my grandfather in the process of fixing the eye doctor’s car. Now, part of the reason this is such an expensive procedure is because sections of the engine have to be removed to get at the broken parts and then be put back into place. Another thing to understand here- my Uncle Ken has always been, like me, on the skinny side, and this was especially true when we were young boys. Look at how skinny my wrists are now at age 38, imagine what they were like when I was seven. Anyway, my Uncle Ken suggests to my grandfather that rather than taking apart the engine, he figures he could wedge his skinny arms in and around various parts of the engine to unscrew things here and there and fit new parts in. My grandfather leads him through the process, and it turns out to be a success. As a result, he ends up charging the doctor only 50 bucks.
Now when I first heard this story, I thought the same thing a lot of you are thinking. He could’ve made as much as $300 but settled for $50? Wasn’t he in a way cheating himself out of fair compensation? Well, my grandfather was always a better mechanic than he was a businessman. But here’s the thing: the doctor appreciated his honesty and fairness and the two became good buddies, a friendship that lasted until my grandfather’s death in 2004. And even though he didn’t have to, Dr. Rabinowitz never charged any of us in my family for eye exams and also provided all our glasses and contact lenses for us at cost without marking them up well into the 1990s when he retired. Either way, while I admire my grandfather in this story, the thing that impresses me most was my Uncle Ken’s seven year old ingenuity when it came to fixing the car. Again, this is the kind of thinking computers are simply incapable of and this incident inadvertently wound up saving our family thousands of dollars in eye care costs over decades.

OK, so now you’re thinking, “We get it.” Success in the 21st century will be due to a marriage between technology and the power of human creativity and ingenuity. But what can it do for me now? Like, this weekend? Remember, I’ve had 26 of you as students, I know how your minds work, ya meatballs. (Sorry, that’s an in-joke. My own 11th grade algebra teacher, Mrs. Mildred- yes, her name really did contain both the words “ill” and “dread” in it- used to call us, her students, “meatballs,” an ostensibly affectionate and yet still kind of disturbing name. So I sometimes like to use that term myself. Like: “Take out your homework, ya meatballs.” Except for you, Lydia and Sage. You’re my little tofu-balls.) Anyway, as I was saying, I know how your minds work. What can all this creativity stuff do for me now?

Well, let me finish with a story from my own senior year of high school. During the winter when phys ed class forced us indoors for several months, we were given four activities to choose from that we would have to report to and consistently take part in. The first option was swimming. Ummm, no, thanks. If insecurity about my pale, skinny body weren’t enough, my shaky swimming skills kept me away from the pool, excuse me, the “natatorium,” at all costs. Second option was using the weight room. I’d rather you shaved all the skin off the back of my legs with a cheese grater than be confined for a single minute to a musty, dank, sweat-stained urban public school weight room accompanied by my school’s own versions of Jersey Shore’s Ronnie and Mike “The Situation.” (GTL, baby, GTL). Meanwhile, many of my buddies seemed to be eagerly signing up for basketball and I figured that might be fun. But before I grabbed the clipboard to add my name to the list, an ingenious thought occurred to me. If hardly anyone had signed up for the pool, except for a few swim team die-hards, Ronnie and Mike were the only two in the weight room and this side of the gym was quickly swelling with a horde of teenage boys sprinting up and down the lanes of the basketball court, where exactly were all the girls in my gym class headed? Yes, friends, for two glorious months, I spent every gym class (two per week) with my kindred nerdy buddy Adam Hartfield, the two of us kings of the volleyball court (not that we ever even bothered to keep score in the games), surrounded by about thirty girls jumping up and down all around us for 45 solid minutes at a stretch. Ah my young friends, with human ingenuity on your side, if you remember to use it, you’ll see that success, in whatever way you want to define it, can be yours.

OK, being an English teacher, I’d like to sign off by reading a short poem I wrote a few years ago. I think it’s apt, considering that it’s titled “The Eagle Hill Student” and in the poem, you are represented by the metaphor of an iPod, bringing together this creativity of students who learn differently and technology theme. Other images in the poem include the “rich kid” being the previous school system that didn’t meet your needs for whatever reasons before coming to EHS but you’ll see…

THE EAGLE HILL STUDENT
I found a beat-up iPod the other day
It was cracked and scratched and didn’t seem to play
Maybe some rich kid had just tossed it away

I grew up with records, cassettes, CDs and my guitar
Plus an appreciation for the crackly AM station in my Dad’s car
But this device was the most intriguing music source thus far

Installing a set of fresh batteries revealed a tiny, tinny hum
Next, I smoothed out all the scratches I could with my thumb
Then scanned through the play-list with which it had come

The contemporary pop and hip-hop tracks I expected
Interspersed with a few classic rock tunes selected
So to my own hard drive I soon had it connected

From Tchaikovsky to Fugazi, every genre I spanned ‘em
Into the expanding playlist all my own songs I crammed ‘em
And I kinda liked how it always seemed to be stuck on random

I proudly show off this iPod now everywhere I go
Stocked up on batteries in case it starts running low
And we finally figured out how to make its little screen glow


It has been my absolute pleasure to have known and worked with you these last five years. Congratulations, class of 2010. Thank you for listening, ya meatballs.