More irony

I know I mentioned a few years ago about my ongoing irony of the week that I post on the outside of the door to my classroom. Any student or faculty member is welcome to submit ideas and it's become a friendly competition tradition now for five years running. Here are some more of my particular favorites in the last year or so:

According to The New York Times, the most shoplifted book in the world is The Holy Bible. (Paul C.)

Sad but true: Earlier this week, the owner of the Segway company, Jimi Heselden, who frequently insisted that Segways are safer than customers believe, was himself killed while riding on a Segway (he lost control of the vehicle and plunged off a cliff). (Zach L.)

According to studies done by the FDA and the National Toxicology Program, nearly half of the 500 most popular sunscreen products increase the speed at which malignant skin cancer cells develop. (Jonas P.)


From a conversation between Heather Grimes and Mr. Westcott as they rehearse the performance of a song in which she sings and he plays guitar:

Heather (sings a few notes): Ugh, my voice sounds terrible this morning.
Mr. Westcott: It sounds fine. Let’s just try that first verse again.
Heather (sings for a few seconds, then stops): God, my voice sounds awful today!
Mr. Westcott: I think it sounds okay. Just keep going.
Heather (sings the first line, then stops again): I’m sorry- I just can’t seem to hit the notes correctly.
Mr. Westcott: Heather, would you please just shut up and sing ???


At the jewelry store I worked at over the summer, we sold an item called the “Jane Austen Diamond Engagement Ring.” Jane Austen herself never married, rejecting the one and only proposal she ever received. (Victoria P.)

If you transport something via car, it’s called a shipment and if you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo. (Mr. Westcott's wife)

The ultra-conservative right-wing radio show host Rush Limbaugh uses as his theme song “My City Was Gone” by The Pretenders, written by Chrissie Hynde, an ultra-liberal left-winger. In order to have permission to use the song in his broadcasts, Limbaugh has agreed to Hynde’s request to pay a yearly royalty fee in the form of a donation to PETA, an organization Limbaugh openly criticizes in his shows. (Ethan H.)

According to hunters, they are encouraged in certain states to hunt and kill white-tailed deer in order to keep the deer from dying. Their rationale is that the population of these deer is so great in certain concentrated areas that there is often not enough of a food source to prevent many from starvation. This might be ironic in itself but the bigger irony here is that one of the main reasons the deer are so great in number is that hunters are often responsible for minimizing the populations of many of the deer’s natural predators (such as mountain lions and wolves). (Lydia C.)

The most precisely tested theory in quantum physics (the Quantum Electro-dynamics Theory) is based on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. (Andy L.)

“The biggest loser is the winner on ‘The Biggest Loser’.” (Jason B.)

None of the bullets fired by John Hinckley in the failed attempt to assassinate President Ronald Reagan in 1981 directly hit the intended target; however, Reagan was hit by a bullet that ricocheted off the bulletproof glass of the presidential limousine parked nearby. (Brumley S.)

This week’s ski trip has been cancelled due to snow. (Mr. Aldrich)

Lately there has been a rash of incidents where students’ retainers have been accidentally left behind in various spots around campus. (Mr. Ward)


Finally, this last one is perhaps a little too over-the-top to put on the door (especially since the admissions folks are often touring the campus with prospective students and their parents at this time of year) but I imagine some of you might appreciate it. This is a picture of professional race car driver Danica Patrick signing an autograph for a male fan: