Friday, September 26, 2008

The World VS. School for the Dead

Well, folks the world is doing what it can to prevent you from coming out to the huge CD Release Explosion tonight. I had placed a few calls and I almost got the Presidential Debate delayed. At the last minute though, they changed their minds. Still, it's entirely possible to watch the debate and come to the big night. Or you can skip the debate because...

1. You already know who you are voting for.
2. The debate will only make you feel more agitated and angry.
3. Here I'll just do the debate for you now so you don't have to waste your time. (warning: Spoilers)

McCain: I am better than Obama.
Moderator: Sorry you are out of time.
Obama: I am better than McCain.
Moderator: Sorry you are out of time.

Tell you what, do what you do as far as the debates go, but just keep in mind that The Elevens will be a SAFE PLACE tonight devoid of pundits, attacks, talk of the economy, posturing, and polls-that-none-of-us-have-ever-taken-part-in. Our show will be politics free. It'll be like a vacation.

The world is also trying to keep you at home by casting rain down upon us. Like a little rain is gonna stop you. Come on. Is that the best they can do?

Of course, the world's most effective weapon is your sofa. Maybe you call it your couch. Once you slip back into its deadly grasp, it's almost impossible to escape. I recommend that, as soon as possible, you should cover your sofa with cactus thorns and snapping turtles. Then spill some sauce on your stove and turn it on so that it fills your place with rancid noxious fumes, if you do it just right, your smoke alarms will also start screaming. If that doesn't get you out of the house, just keep in mind that you have sworn to not turn on your heat even though it is freezing in there and that The Elevens will be nice and toasty.

Or you could just come out because it's gonna be a fun night and we'd be so happy to see you.

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