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I'm having one of those feeling-negative-about-music mornings. I can't seem to shake it. I don't know if it is jealousy or a sense of injustice that I feel when I see positive attention thrust upon those that I deam unworthy. Who am I to deam people anything anyway? Nobody.
Sometimes I just get really disgusted with the whole music thing. I mean what's the point of it? As my friend Esa used to say on days like this, "I hate music. It's so stupid."
I know it'll all turn around in a flash - for instance Joe Jackson's "It's Different For Girls" just came on the radio. I love this song.
I mean I hate it. Because music is stupid.
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I think it has something to do with time. I've been feeling pressured for time for some reason lately. I don't know if it is outside influences weighing on me or if it is my own inner clock that's ticking louder than usual. I've developed this terrible habit at band practices where I feel like I need to rush through them. We start to go over a song and then we stop part way through and say, "We know this one. We don't have to do it."
Don't have to do it?!?! When did that happen? I used to just sit and play the same songs over and over for five or six hours a day. Now I can't be bothered to go all the way through one? What? Do I not enjoy it? Is there something I'd rather be doing? No. I don't think there is. But it seems like part of me feels like there should be.
Summers go by too fast. Everything seems like it goes too fast doesn't it? I thought that in the summer you are supposed to just go out under the green trees and hang out all day long. Why, when I try to do that do I feel something tugging on my sleeve? Why when I am playing music with my friends do I feel like I should be doing something else? And I don't even know what that something else is? It used to be that I felt guilty if I WASN'T working on music.
An old friend once included as a post script at the end of a letter (yes a letter, that's how old) the phrase:
"Sing, sing. It's your thing."
It is my thing, isn't it? That's my thing. To sing. Maybe I'll go to my local open mic tonight at the Basement here in Northampton, MA. It feels like years since I last performed.
I'm sure I'll like music again by then.
1 comment:
hey henning... i know exactly how you feel. pretty much every word of that post, i have felt too. the outside pressures that we're aware of (money, work, life), plus the bizarre state of being a musician right now (the internet, preconceived notions on shows and records and stuff)... it's hard to wrangle.
i think going to the open mic tonight sounds awesome. maybe i'll go too. let's all go and sign up on time and play some songs and cheer. that sounds really fun. maybe it'll cheer us up, musically.
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