Friday, March 26, 2004

Max, it's a good thing that you are the one who tried to eat the olive. Imagine if soemone just popped it into your mouth when you weren't looking. You really would've thought there was a rabid chipmunk trapped in there. Then what? Then what comic montage would have passed?

Max: "What are you doing in my mouth?"

Chipmunk: "Flailing around in a panic."

Max: "Well, stop it. It's irritating."

Chipmunk: "I can't. I'm rabid."

Max: Oh man. "Well, here let me just open my mouth so you can gracefully hop out."

Chipmunk: "Ok."

So, Max opened his mouth as wide as he could and the poor little chipmunk jumped out. He scrambled down Max's shirt-front and fell to the floor below, where he sat for a moment in stunned silence. He looked up at Max, squinted, gave him the thumbs up, and ran for the door before the cat could even smell him. Outside, the rabid chipmunk was instantly picked up by a big grey owl named Terence.

The chipmunk relaxed in the talons of the great bird and watched as the roof tops of Easthampton passed beneath him. Before long they were flying over Northampton and the owl spotted a super size carton of McDonalds french fries being flung out of the window of a blue car. The owl dropped the chipmunk and dove for the french fries which he missed and instead crashed directly into a sidewalk newspaper vending machine which a man in a hat had just opened. The door slammed shut behind the owl and he immediately fell asleep on the soft pile of papers.

Meanwhile, the chipmunk fell silently onto the shoulder of a fat man who was just entering the Tunnel Bar. Inside, when the fat man removed his wool coat, the chipmunk was thrown off and landed in the martini glass of a monacled arts patron who glanced down and calmly called out to the bartender, "I said no olive."

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